RANT

I don't usually rant, but I am going to now. And I am trying to put this as delicately as possible...so when I lived in VT, I was always disappointed by the lack of solid Christian guys who were true leaders, but, being naive (as I see now that I was), I thought that there had to be more of these leader guys out in the great beyond. With that fatal assumption in mind, and also because of the encouraging report from others who have gone on to college before me, I headed off to Mississippi with the intention of meeting some great guys and forming friendships and getting out of this no-guys dry-zone I have lived in all of my life.

And here I am. And so far, I have been the one taking initiative. Every guy I have met (and I was talking about this with my good friend E.Dell), I have been the one asking the questions and keeping the conversation flowing and introducing myself and saying hi first. At first I was like, well, after we get to know each other a little better they'll take the initiative and talk to me, but no. So that forms two options. One, I am invisible to all members of the male sex and they literally CANNOT SEE ME let alone have the desire to speak with me (which is what I thought all of my life back home) or men do not know how to take the initiative socially. I am finally starting to believe the latter option. Now, I need to clarify before I get in trouble. I am doing my best not to make generalizations and in my mind, I am not, because I know some men back home who are def leaders and I also have met a paltry few here - but of course, they aren't quite in the "Lea's Friends" category.

Anyway, I used to think that if I got out of Vermont, I would find "good guys" who, as I said before, were leaders socially and spiritually, were solid in their faith, were deep-thinkers and interesting, but I see now that I merely created a mythological man who only exists in the past. It is clear that this is the result of feminism, becuase I know that even sixty years ago, men took the initiative. They walked the girls home from school, carried their proverbial books, asked them on dates, drove them places. And before that, it would be completely innapropriate for a woman to introduce herself to a man - he would take the lead. I think of Laura Ingalls and her courtship with Almanzo - he was several years older than her, but he took interest in her and followed through persistently until she finally reciprocated that interest (and that is a true story! This does not just exist in fiction!)

I have been trained to let the men take the lead, and I took that seriously all my life. But where are these men? Who exactly am I waiting for?

And then I wonder if I have gotten this mixed up in my mind - to what extent should men lead? Should they lead socially? Should they introduce themselves? Or am I taking this too far?

Well, this is a depressing topic. I hate having all of my childhood-illusions shattered in three weeks.

Anyway, sorry if I offended anyone. If you read this and you are a great guy and can defy all my conclusions, let me know. I'll be thrilled to meet you.